Overcoming vulnerability: Sex without penetration as an option
For many couples, sex means full penetration, but it doesn't have to be. There are actually many ways to be intimate and deeply connected with your partner without having sex the traditional way. And for some women, full penetration sex can even be uncomfortable or painful at certain times in their lives.
If you have been exposed to abuse or otherwise feel extra vulnerable in your body, sex without penetration can be an option when you still want to be intimate and deeply connected with your partner. There are just some days when you don't want to put anything in your vagina. It could be that you have just given birth, had a miscarriage or are going through a stressful period in your life. At these times you are very vulnerable, and therefore it can be more difficult to surrender to your partner and to sex with penetration.
It's actually quite normal for women to go through periods of their lives when they just don't feel like sex, or rather penetration. It is completely understandable with life's stress, rush, illness and just the body's various transitions and seasons. But for many, it may be seen as abnormal not to have sex with a dick in the pussy, because sex is most often associated with full penetration. However, this understanding that sex is only with penetration is very destructive and causes many couples to simply stop having sex altogether, e.g. only have sex once a month or once a year. But you can have sex in many other ways without necessarily having full penetration. In fact, sex without penetration can be even better and make you more intimate as a couple.
Not in the mood for penetration? Sex can still be intense and intimate
Seeing sex as more than just penetration can open up a whole new world of possibilities for exploring each other's bodies and creating deep intimacy and presence with one's lover. Slow touching, kissing and caressing can help create the love hormone oxytocin, which strengthens the bond between you and your partner in a very special way. Oxytocin is not formed immediately with fast sex, but with slow touch, caresses and kisses for the whole body. So even if one of the parties doesn't feel like sex, finally keep being intimate.
Instead of focusing on achieving an orgasm as a goal, you and your partner can explore each other's bodies in a new way and create a more intimate connection.
For me, kisses, caresses and looking deep into each other's eyes are really nice and arousing. It makes me surrender and open up to more pleasure. But when my partner starts skipping steps and goes straight to sex, I get completely shut down. It simply goes too fast!
Perhaps you have also thought: why can't sex just be without, well, sex?
Many men are raised to think that sex is only about penetration, but I have a little story that will open their eyes.
One day I was talking to my friend about my thoughts that I missed the time when just kissing and caressing was so erotic and pleasurable. I could get turned on by dancing close or interlocking fingers with a guy - it was crazy! My friend told me that she once had a relationship where they had no penetration or oral sex at all and it was the most arousing sex she had ever had. They spent a long time exploring each other's bodies and found all the erogenous zones other than the genitals. It was a gentle, exploratory and slow approach that challenged all the senses.
An approach to women who have experienced anxiety during sex
I find this curious, slow and exploratory approach to sex very appealing. For women who have experienced anxiety during sex in the past, it may be important to take it slow and without focusing on penetration. When you go slowly and explore all parts of each other's bodies, you open up the possibility of going even further. It can push one's boundaries and open up to more pleasure and maybe even penetration at some point.
But for women, it is important that there is no pressure to open up to penetration. It's best to approach sex with a beginner's approach; be curious, playful and gentle as on a first date with your partner. Then you can explore each other's bodies and discover new forms of pleasure together.
Three practices of sex without penetration
And if you lack inspiration on how you can explore sex without penetration, you can read on, where we present three practices you can try with your partner when you don't want to be penetrated, but still want to be intimate and erotically with him/her.
Cuddle for the whole body
First of all, you can start by exploring each other's hands. The hands are one of the most sensitive parts of the body and can give a lot of pleasure. You can start by stroking each other's hands gently, both on the back of the hand and in the palms, and interlace the fingers. Focus on the feeling of skin against skin and remove the sensuality of your hands by caressing gently between the fingers and out to the fingertips.
When you're ready for more intense and intimate touch, let the one of you who needs pampering the most be the first to get your full attention. And in this case, I would recommend the woman to receive the touch first, as women often need more touch to open up to pleasure than men. So the guy just has to sit back and enjoy the ride.
Start with a shoulder and back massage and move on to light strokes of the neck and earlobes. Let your lips dance a little at the neck and gently kiss the earlobe. Also give the feather touch to the face and stroke through the hair. Massage down the spine, over the lower back and out to the sides of the buttocks and further down the back of the legs. And remember, the kneecaps can be super sensitive, so pet them too! And if you are extra naughty, you can try licking the toes. Hey, exploring is fun!
Remember that loving and sensual touch can be a very intimate and beautiful experience, so take time to explore each other's bodies and enjoy the intimate atmosphere together.
Eye contact and synchronized breathing
Eye contact and synchronized breathing is a great way to connect with your partner and create an intimate and sensual experience, even without penetration. Tantra practitioners have long used these techniques to build a deeper connection between partners, and you can also use them to experience more intimacy and presence in your sex life.
First and foremost, eye contact is a way to create a deep connection between you and your partner. When you look deep into their eyes, you can feel more connected and present in the moment. After all, the eyes are the mirror of the soul. Try starting by sitting across from each other and staring into each other's eyes for a few minutes. Maintain eye contact without blinking or looking away, and see if you can feel an increasing intensity and intimacy.
The synchronized breathing is another technique that can help connect you with your partner and create a more intense experience. Try to lie close together, take deep breaths and try to synchronize your breathing with your partner's. Focus on your breathing and try to breathe in and out at the same pace as your partner.
When you're ready to take it a step further, you can also try using eye contact and synchronized breathing during a sensual massage or touch. Give each other a massage and try to maintain eye contact and synchronize your breathing as you explore each other's bodies with gentle, loving touches. You can also try sitting across from each other, keeping eye contact and trying to transfer energy and heat to each other through your eyes and breathing. As a woman, you breathe into your vagina and breathe out through your heart to your man's heart. The man breathes in through his heart and receives the woman's love and exhales it out of his cock and into her vagina. This can help you feel more connected and in tune with each other.
Remember that eye contact and synchronized breathing can help you create a deeper connection with your partner, but it is not necessary to have penetration to experience this connection. Try exploring these techniques in your sex life and see how they can help you build more intimacy and presence with your partner.
When you don't feel like having sex with penetration, oral sex can be a great way to explore and satisfy your partner. It can be an intimate and emotional experience where you can create close contact and connection with your partner. When giving oral sex, it is important to take the time to explore her entire body and build up to the point where she is ready and eager to receive more direct stimulation.
Start by exploring her body and connecting through eye contact and caressing. Take time to kiss and caress her as you gradually move down towards her sex. Think of her vagina as a magical opening that will only open for you when you've called ahead and are assured that you're welcome. When she starts breathing heavier or responds positively to your touches, you can shift your focus to her sex.
When giving oral sex, it's important to take your time and focus on her enjoyment. Use your tongue and lips to explore her clitoris and labia, and listen to her reactions to find out what feels best for her. You can experiment with different techniques and movements to find out what turns her on the most.
Remember that oral sex is not only about satisfying your partner physically, but also about creating an emotional connection and intimacy. Be sure to give her attention and listen to her cues to find out what she wants and how she wants to feel. Oral sex can be a great way to explore and satisfy each other when you don't feel like having sex with penetration.
Have you tried having sex without penetration? Let us know in the comments section or over on our Instagram profile .